I was on my knees, chest on the ground like I was doing the yoga posture downward facing hero pose. It took a few seconds to realise what had happened.
The doorman outside the entrance to the hotel had asked me if I was attending the Global Woman Club event and was telling me where to go...As he spoke I was looking at him while continuing to walk forward. Now I was on the concrete ground, winded and disorientated. The doorman was surprised and rushed to my assistance, my knees were throbbing. I looked to see how I had ended up on the ground...Oh, a small step was there!
I was helped up. I felt a little embarrassed because several people asked if I was okay. My knees throbbed so I massaged them vigorously. As I continued on my way, I wondered what the embarrassment was about?
For a moment or two I must have been wondering what the people who saw me trip or on my knees were thinking. I remembered as a kid, when someone fell, we would laugh and ridicule them by asking, “How was your trip?”
This little mishap reminded me that we often worry far too much about what other people think even though when they are probably not thinking about us at all.
Where does this fear of what others think come from? Thousands and thousands of years ago when humans lived in small tribal societies, survival depended on being socially accepted in the tribe. What the leaders and other influential people in the tribe thought of someone mattered because if they disliked you or you broke certain rules of the tribe, you could be excommunicated from the tribe and would likely die.
And although in modern societies this is no longer the case, this social disapproval survival pattern is still ingrained in our biology. It shows up as fear of going to a restaurant alone – what will people think? Or as choosing a career that pays well over one that you'd love but isn't as lucrative. Or getting married to someone who you don't love because they have the right financial credentials or your parents approve of them.
This social approval instinct drives some people to want to conform and fit in rather than create waves.
When what others think matters more than what you think, your sense of self is built on the shaky foundation of approval from others. Fear of being criticised or rejected by others can become paralysing and stop you from creating or doing what matters to you and even from living your purpose.
This fear can raise its head when there's a need to be in the spotlight. Research shows that some people fear public speaking more than death (though I'm not sure about the underlying suggestion that death is to be feared).
In hand analysis, those with Artist in the Spotlight or Innovator purposes/gift markings are most prone to this affliction.
There is much mental chatter associated with worrying about what other people think. A thought arises like, “It doesn't look good falling flat on my knees like that”, and if you're not careful the mental chatter can spiral out of control and before you know it you're in mental knots, suffering inside and unable to release what happened.
And while you are busy torturing yourself with mind talk, those whose views you are worrying about have moved on and are focusing on their stuff.
For me, when I fell, I realised that the tears in my eyes were there because my whole mind-body system went into a form of shock when I suddenly and unexpectedly fell over. The fall literally took my breath away. I was engrossed in checking that I was okay rather than focusing on others.
Worrying obsessively and compulsively about other people's opinions shows that your focus is outside. Many people seek validation and approval from others rather than going within and having counsel with their inner self to determine what needs to happen and what to do.
Meditation is a good tool for this. Sitting still for 15 minutes and focusing on the breath will quiet the mind and emotions and allow you to become aligned with your inner voice and authentic or original self.
Another way to self reflect and gain insights that come from your inner wisdom is to ask yourself “what just happened?” and “what would I like to have happen now?” to move towards more solution mindset.
Most of the things we fear are imaginary and not scary at all. The fear is built up through mind talk and neural connections to past experiences that may have been threatening and no longer are, created discomfort, guilt or even shame. Our brain is hard wired to keep us safe and so any threat, including what others may think or say can trigger off our survival instincts.
My little trip resulted in a small scratch on my right knee and was a good thing because later at lunch I was telling someone about my fall and she said, “Oh, that's probably why I was told to mind the step when I arrived.”
