'One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began” Mary Oliver
Christmas festive activities are accelerating and I've been reflecting on what all the fuss is about. It’s a time that means different things to different people.
There is the magical Christmas: Father Christmas, reindeer, presents, carol singers, sparkling lights and majestic Christmas trees.
There’s the family Christmas: the joy of family gatherings, friends, acquaintances, giving and receiving. There’s the commercial Christmas: advertising, shops filled with Christmas shoppers, businesses wanting to surpass sales targets, pressure to participate in a grand spending spree.
For some, there is the Christmas that’s filled with loneliness and isolation. There is also the religious Christmas; the celebration of the birth of the enlightened master - Jesus Christ.
And, there are people also prefer not to participate in Christmas at all. I use to live with someone who always stayed home on his own on Christmas day and didn't buy presents. For me the proper thing was to gather with family because relationships are very important to me. His non-participation was a tad annoying at first and then I learned to accept it. He never did what was 'proper' or expected. I think this was because he had a strong sense of self, of who he is. There was no need to please others.
There is pressure to do what's proper. Some people buy gifts for people they don't like because it's the expected and appropriate thing to do. They reluctantly stay around or visit people they don't want to be with. They give to charity, attend work parties and a myriad of other things because they should or ought to do it.
Doing what's proper can mean totally going against your own being. It's like we abandon ourselves to fit in, do what's acceptable and be like everyone else.
We abandon ourself because we don't want to rock the boat and upset people. We abandon ourself because we don't want to be ostracised or excommunicated. We abandon ourself to make other people happy. We abandon ourself as a duty to others. We abandon the yearning of our own soul to avoid disruption and often choose suffering instead.
When I think of proper it feels like being boxed in and confined like being in a social or self-made prison.
Being emotionally authentic and expressing feelings in the moment is very hard for most people to do because we are mainly busy with doing what's proper.
In hand analysis, 80{a96b29581f8ce42daab38f712645ee506149849ec98e0c0df66c3db27bbbe002} of people are in the school of love, which is about developing the skills of emotional connection and feeling, displaying and communicating emotions as they happen and appropriately (properness again) rather than stuffing feelings.
It seems to me that most people are so busy being, doing and saying what's proper that they don't even realise that most of the properness doesn't come from them but from the family, social groups, community, school, government, society...
We try to fit in so we are accepted. And we want to be accepted because we are not self-accepting. Worrying about losing someone's love and doing what's acceptable to keep that love.
When I think about being proper in relation to me, it's something that keeps me stuck. Proper is like an insurmountable wall that cannot be scaled. What I want is on one side and I am trapped on the wrong side. Being proper means taking fewer risks and giving in to fear. It's like a noose around my neck. Proper dims my light and stops me from shining. It keeps me in the shadow. It makes me be small and do things in a small way because scaling that wall would be riotous, convention-busting, non-conformist, trailblazing.
Proper is like resisting my own nature. It's not being true to my design and actually acting against my own well-being in all its dimensions. Proper is against inner expansion.
So how did Christmas lead to talking about being proper. Well, it's Christmas time and along with thinking about that, I had a conversation about 'being proper' last Friday with a mentor who is helping me to channel. She said that the word 'proper' came to her regarding some of my reluctance to remote read and channel.
'Wait a moment', I thought! This stuff is way out there and not proper. It's woo, woo stuff for goodness sake. People were denounced as witches and burned at the stake or had their heads chopped off for such things. Woo-wooism is the current equivalent of being burned, I guess.
When you are not proper much can be at stake. So being proper makes sense. It keeps us safe, in our comfort zone and away from criticism and harm.
So, do you do things because it's proper or because you really want to? Is 2018 going to be another year of properness?
So, ending 'nicely' and 'properly', whatever your view or experience of Christmas, however cynical you may be about it, there can be a deeper meaning, which is often overlooked.
In our normal, busy and often chaotic lives, we can be so wrapped up in doing that we don’t make time to keep in touch with loved ones, friends and acquaintances; sometimes our minds are so occupied with everyday living that we literally forget to pass on a little kindness. To do something small and brighten up someone else’s life.
So, if the magic of Christmas has died for you, rather than bemoan its real, forgotten meaning (assuming there was ever such a thing), rekindle it in your own way. Celebrate the Christmas of renewal, of transcendence and warmth, of love, kindness and giving. Have a non-Christmas time and enjoy it. Take the lead, do something that will create a sacred feeling within you. Make it a time to awaken your spirit, to restore your vitality and to make a difference in some way.
Finally, a great healthy festive drink
Mulled Apple Juice Recipe
3 litres of apple juice (either freshly juice apples, or because you are going to heat this juice, you could use some shop bought, organic apple juice).
2 cinnamon sticks
8 cloves
1/2 tsp of cardamom seeds
2 oranges (thinly sliced)
Bring to the boil 3/4 litre of water in a small saucepan with a lid.Add spices & simmer for 30 mins.
Gently heat the apple juice with the sliced oranges, in a larger saucepan at the same time, but do not bring to the boil.
After the 30 mins, add the spiced water to the apple juice & serve.
This is a great treat if you fancy a hot, festive, non alcoholic drink or it’s also great for children!
Happy Holidays!
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