Personal Power – Are you giving yours away and being a victim? Jennifer is 42 years old and went on holiday to Spain with her two children, her sister and her sister’s partner. She had had a turbulent relationship with her sister in the past and they had not spoken for 7 years.
While on holiday, Jennifer, who is married became friendly with a fellow holidaymaker who was also at the resort with his children who were a similar age to her children. Sometimes they would all hang out at the beach, with the kids playing with their new friends and Jennifer enjoying the company of her new friend.
One morning, the whole group including her friend and his kids, all went to the beach, which was only a few minutes walk from the resort. After a while, Jennifer, her friend and the children went for a walk along the beach. They were all enjoying walking, the fresh air, the sea, talking, the kids play and generally having fun.
Power Giveaway
As they were heading back to where her sister had been sunbathing, Jennifer saw her sister walking briskly towards her, hands a kimbo (called the superwoman pose), and with a stormy expression on her face. When her sister got close enough, she screamed at Jennifer:
“I did not come on holiday with you for you to be spending time with this man…you are a married woman, what are you doing spending time with him anyway. Get your stuff and we will go back to the resort now” she screamed.
Jennifer felt totally embarrassed. She sad that as her children were there she consciously decided not to create a scene. They all went back to where their belongings were. Her friend gathered his things and kids and left.
Jennifer was mortified and filled with raged. Once he left, she told her sister, “Don’t you ever speak to me like that again. I am 42 years old, I have borne two children, I am independent, I am paying my own way here, how dare you…” After this they were not speaking and the holiday atmosphere had tuned very sour.
I received a surprise call from Jennifer from Spain ( I immediately thought she had returned home early and that something must be wrong). She spoke about how ‘bitter’ she felt and how her sister’s behaviour had now ruined the holiday. As I’ve already mentioned, they had not spoken for seven years because her sister “disapproved” of Jennifer’s husband when they first met and had said and behaved meanly. Now a few years later the pattern was repeating itself. I say pattern because Jennifer’s brother hasn’t spoke to their sister for years. Her Dad had not spoken to her sister for a number of years too before he died.
I told her that her sister could not really ruin her holiday. What happened moving forward was up to her. No one makes you feel anything. We are all responsible for our emotions. It was up to her to continue to enjoy her morning meditations on the large rock looking out to sea, which she loved; to soak up the wonderful sunshine and have fun with her children. Also, perhaps she should have a chat with her sister and express her feelings.
Jennifer has been back home in London for a few weeks now and still feels deep anger and ‘bitterness’ towards her sister, although they had had the chat and her sister had apologised. I suggested that perhaps this was more about her than it was about her sister. Where in your body are you sensing these emotions, I asked her.
She immediately said she felt the emotions in her solar plexus. I suggested she took some time to find out more about where those strong emotions were coming from.
Personal Power
The solar plexus is the location of the third chakra – the Manipura chakra in Sanskrit – which is about honouring one’s self . The third chakra represents your personal power in relation to the outside world. It’s about your self-understanding, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-responsibility self-discipline and self-respect.
Manipura chakra is about personal honour, keeping your commitments to yourself, caring for yourself and others, trust and also fear including fear of rejection, criticism, body-image, aging and intimidation.
The third chakra is the core of your personality and the ego. We all need healthy egos and strength of character to fulfil our ambitions and goals.
Jennifer discovered that she had given her personal power away to her sister. Over a few days she realised that her heart chakra and throat chakra were also impacted. She was particularly ‘bitter’ because her friend had invited her and the kids out after the beach incident and Jennifer had said no because she did not want to make things worse with her sister.
When she told her Mum and husband about the incident, they asked her why she had chosen not to go. She wanted to keep the peace, she said.
Now, Jennifer began to see that her older sister has always tried to tell her what to do. “I’m fed up of people telling me what to do”, she said. This was a pattern in her life and she is reclaiming her personal power.
When you own your personal power, you have self-respect, self-confidence and self-esteem. You honour and understand yourself. You meet your responsibilities by taking action to fulfil your dreams, you have the courage to take risks and you are clear about your values, boundaries and ethics. You can stand on your own and take care of yourself.
My observation is that people often look outside to find ‘self’. In Old English ‘self’ referred to “one’s own person”; from Proto-Indo-European, it means “separate, apart.”
As Caroline Myss puts it: “ to mature in our self-understanding – the relationship we have with ourselves, and how we stand on our own and take care of ourselves…and as we develop a sense of self, our intuitive voice becomes our natural and constant source of guidance…self-understanding and acceptance, the bond we form with ourselves, is in many ways the most crucial spiritual challenge we face.”
If you do not accept or like yourself then you will likely give your personal power away to someone else. You will weaken yourself maybe to impress others or for personal security.
There will always be people who are willing to make your decisions for you if you let them. You will probably also attract people, relationships and even occupational situations into your life which reflect your weakness and power giveaway. This low self-esteem signals a lack of faith in yourself.
What can you do when you realise that you are giving your power away.
-
She chose to contact him and very resourcefully found a way to get in touch with him and voiced what she needed to express and once she had done this she felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Her next step is to contact her sister and work on releasing her feeling of bitterness.
Forgiving yourself and the other person is the best way to take back your power. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what the person did was all right. It’s about choosing to let go of the hurt and ‘bitterness’ that has a negative impact on your vibrational level and enjoyment of life.
She is honouring herself which is the mantra of the third chakra. I thought watch out world – Jennifer is here now. She feels more self-respect and is creating a new even more self-assertive ‘self’.
-
I recommend that you watch Amy Cuddy’s short 21.02 minute brilliant TEDglobal video: Your body language shapes who you are. This introduces you to a simple 2 minute power pose, which when done consistently allows you to fake personal power until it becomes part of you. Here’s the link for the video : http://bit.ly/1gENuLB
